Sure, it wasn't my plan to get a cyst and be out of the game for a while.
Sure, I haven't been in a show since March 2010.
But that doesn't mean that I am giving up or that I have any less faith in myself than I ever did.
I am not happy that I'm not there yet, but I am truly blessed to have people in my life who believe in me and believe that I will get better and be better than ever before. And more importantly, those same people will love me and respect me even if I never get better.
This all sucks so much because this is what I feel I was born to do and I have never wanted to do anything else as badly as this. This isn't just a dream. I want this so bad.
And even if I fully heal that doesn't mean that I'm magically going to get jobs. Or that moving across the country is going to be as easy for me as it's been for some of my peers.
I just dont want to get stuck here. I just want me, Kenneth and our dogs to sell all of our shit and drive to New York and be poor but happy together.
I think that 15 days, halfway through this 30 day process, is kind of like the "wednesday" of my experience. And the next couple days are going to be this huge emotional hurdle for me to try and get over.
Goodnight
But it DOES mean several things...
ReplyDeleteYou WILL value your voice more than before.
You WILL know your limits far more than most aspiring move-to-NY-and-get-a-job people.
You WILL know the symptoms of another cyst/vocal cord issue and take care of it before it causes a problem (rather than forcing yourself to sing several times a day because it's your job).
And best of all, you KNOW we love you! *hugs*