Day 23

Today was the day! I finally had my follow-up appointment with Dr. Olson and got to see Cara Sauder (my speech pathologist) again. I was a little worried because they called a couple times and told me to come in at 1:30 and I got to the hospital at 1:25ish but the parking structure was HELL and I had a really hard time finding a spot and I didn't sign in until almost 1:50 (appointment was at 2:00) and a nurse called me in before I had even registered or something. But I got there and got into my exam room no problem. My pulse was a little high (because I had just jogged there!) and I was very nervous.

I feel like I've been doing a good job of not talking too much, although it was a little difficult when Daniella came over the other day (when I took her pictures) for me to direct her and make her feel comfortable without talking and the day after I felt really guilty for having talked as much as I did.

But, right off the bat Dr. Olson and Cara both thought that my voice sounded really good! Dr. Olson said that he was so happy for me because he knows that I was really worried about voice loss or damage and I did such a good job taking care of myself throughout all this.

Some interesting news about Cystina- even though she looked like a bubble full of liquid she was actually solid and hard. BUT, the great news about it is she was non-cancerous and no further surgery is necessary for the present.

Cara scoped me and even though I had some phlegm (allergies are kicking my ass!) she seemed impressed with the amount of healing I've done since the surgery. There is still some swelling and stiffness, but my chords "vibrate beautifully" (Dr.O) and have really good closure for only being 3 weeks in.

Cara gave me a nice post-surgical voice care sheet that I wish I would have had from Day 1 but it's okay because I have it now! It looks like I've been doing everything right so far and in a couple weeks I can start working (gently) on my singing again. Already I can tell that my singing voice is going to be dramatically different in tone and pitch. I believe that I will be able to sing higher notes. I just hope that I don't lose the richness and "soul" that some have told me makes my voice special and unique. I will be seeing Cara often for the next couple of months and I hope that I will be singing pretty and working on new projects and ready to maybe audition for some summer stock. I hope that when the time comes that I can start taking voice lessons again that Lina is available or I can figure something out with Kurt.

I don't really know what's going on with Kurt, just that he's really busy and (as far as I know) staying in NYC this fall/winter. And Lina I haven't seen/heard from in a very long time. It's really hard to get a hold of anyone because everyone is so busy all the time with their lives!

I need to get some photos printed for a photography portfolio, just so I have something to show (if asked) when I go to beg for jobs from photographers. And I have no shame, I'm gonna go everywhere, even like wal-mart and sears. But ideally I could work for someone like Kim Jew (he has a Eubank location right by my apartment), even if (and I doubt I would be) I'm not taking pictures, I could always do ANYTHING ELSE just to get my foot in the door.

I'm gonna get some grown-up clothes soon. By grown-up clothes I just mean some nice slacks, tops and shoes that make me look like I'm not in college anymore- towards the end there I was rocking the "frumpmaster fresh" look, as I called it. Which was pretty consistently leggings or sweat pants, t-shirts, sweatshirts and ponytails. Now I'm trying to look nice and neat when I leave the house and I think it will help me get jobs. Just as soon as that money goes through I'm all over it!

Kenneth applied to work for ARCA and I hope he gets to start working there soon because I know he wants to work for a company he can trust to always pay him on time and learn new things. And I want that for him too.

So today was productive and made me feel a whole lot better about my recovery and I feel like my hard work is paying off. I know that I have a long way to go and I'm not even close to being totally healed yet, but I feel so so so so so much more hope and optimism and I have so far.

Here's the pictures from my scope this afternoon:

(Left: breathing in Right: holding the sound "e")